i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
