omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize