Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The air was thick with penises
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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