Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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