Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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