She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
