I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
