I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
