Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize