Buhtt sex?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
