I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
