Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
