hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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