she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
