so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
