it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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