His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
