my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
