Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
