i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
