bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
false alarm, still single
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