you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
