When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You dont lie about slip and slides
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
