My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
