Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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