are you still at the devil's house?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
