Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
