i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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