The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
