my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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