I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
