Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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