We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
