You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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