who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
