11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
