dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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