I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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