She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
