K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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