I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He shit in the fireplace
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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