he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
