i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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