Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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