maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
