I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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