My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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