I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
