Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
