things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
