Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
