i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
