I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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