Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
