operation have a gay friend backfired
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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