does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I would fuck him just for his dog
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