her vagina looked like bernie madoff
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
