He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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