just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
There's even glitter on my cock...
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