so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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