You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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