I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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