Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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