I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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