i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
