you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
