I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
