You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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