My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
