He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
my god I love twenty year old dicks
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
