idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
