Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
