it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
