The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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