Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
