felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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