I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
