You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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