Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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