I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
